Though it wasn’t the correct time, I wanted you so badly.

Part of me wants to be with you because I was so unhappy.

I always think of that day and I always want to puke.

Though circumstances wouldn’t have been the best, I still wanted you.

I wish I could’ve done better so we could’ve been together.

Had a better partner; better job somewhere warmer.

 

Sometimes I wonder if you would’ve been a beautiful little girl.

Or a handsome little boy who would’ve been my whole world.

Though my heart aches, in a way, you were saved from the pain.

The trauma; the sadness; the anger; feeling like you were a mistake.

Over the years, I’ve made my decision on a few names.

With tears in my eyes I’ll have to write them down and wait.

​

Wait for the moment where I can finally meet one of you.

Or maybe both; you’re long overdue.

I wish to love you in all the ways possible while seeing your face.

Have all the non-material things I never had with a warm embrace.

​

I never knew I could miss someone I never met this much.

Never knew how much I would long to have both our small hands touch.

I never knew I could love someone I never met until then.

I’ll always be a mom first, but I’d love to become your friend.

​

I felt I should’ve died with you (died with you).

Really I should be alive for you (alive for you).

I’ve secretly cried for you (cried for you).

Soon I can ride with you (ride with you).

​

- Rachel "Shy Wolf" Griffin

Writer | Author | Poet