Though it wasn’t the correct time, I wanted you so badly.
Part of me wants to be with you because I was so unhappy.
I always think of that day and I always want to puke.
Though circumstances wouldn’t have been the best, I still wanted you.
I wish I could’ve done better so we could’ve been together.
Had a better partner; better job somewhere warmer.
Sometimes I wonder if you would’ve been a beautiful little girl.
Or a handsome little boy who would’ve been my whole world.
Though my heart aches, in a way, you were saved from the pain.
The trauma; the sadness; the anger; feeling like you were a mistake.
Over the years, I’ve made my decision on a few names.
With tears in my eyes I’ll have to write them down and wait.
Wait for the moment where I can finally meet one of you.
Or maybe both; you’re long overdue.
I wish to love you in all the ways possible while seeing your face.
Have all the non-material things I never had with a warm embrace.
I never knew I could miss someone I never met this much.
Never knew how much I would long to have both our small hands touch.
I never knew I could love someone I never met until then.
I’ll always be a mom first, but I’d love to become your friend.
I felt I should’ve died with you (died with you).
Really I should be alive for you (alive for you).
I’ve secretly cried for you (cried for you).
Soon I can ride with you (ride with you).